18th of Ches, 1492

When we arrived, the raiders’ camp was mostly abandoned. Stinking kobold huts were burning in a heap. Only a scattered few tents and the two guard towers remain erected. Jorad discerned that the main body of the force had travelled west in a wagon caravan. A few kobold stragglers remained, so we questioned them, but they had no intelligence to offer. We continued into the cave, and inside we came upon a quartet of draconic guards, armed with scimitars. They hacked and attacked with fanatical pack tactics, but were undone at once by our rambunctious cunt gumption.

Jorad lead us past these fresh corpses, down a set of natural stairs, to a moist cavern carpeted with fungal growths. I took the lead, and as I strode through the mycobiota I was stung by the ferocious tendrils of a necrotic fungal colony. I killed one with acid, but more appeared. The other cunts came to my aid, blasting and hacking at the malicious mushrooms, and soon we had broken through yet another line of the cult’s confounding defenses.

Next, we entered a large cavern, its ceiling carpeted with bats. Startled by a sudden sound, the bats flew around us in a blinding cloud, obscuring an attack from a swarm of stirges. Gunx smashed a pair of blood-swollen beasts as Tegan punctured a stirge like a balloon, and Brick stabbed two more, while Jorad Hellishly Rebuked one into an acrid vapour. I found a wound-wearied Gunx through the bat cloud, and quickly healed some of his injuries with Beshaba’s blessing. We finished off the remaining stirges and carried on.

We came to a room with three caged drake pups and their kobold handlers, some of whom had wings, to our surprise. Keen to stop the kobolds before they might release their pet drakes, I charged in and took one down. The three winged kobolds took flight, and dropped rocks on Jorad. Brick threw javelins, taking down two flying foes, while Tolarin darted the third one dead just as quickly. Gunx rushed the three earthbound kobolds and ended them in a wink. Pleased with our quick work, we took a short rest, and could hear the bats settle back down in their roosting cavern.

I took the lead next, and spotted another kobold, whom I quickly Charmed into docility. As the other cunts made their way casually toward us, someone accidentally tripped a trap. Beshaba be praised, our magically friendly kobold was able to cover for our ruckus, and we continued forward unmolested. Jorad, Tolarin, and Gunx went first into the next cave, where they found two burly human warriors and Gunx’s fearsome nemesis: Langdedrosa Cyanwrath, the Dragon Cult’s champion. Langdedrosa greeted Gunx with a laugh of mocking recognition, but I was confident this fight would not end so well for Cyanwrath.

Brick took down one of the warriors with his trusty axe Hew, while Tegan and I finished off the other, jerking the curtain for the main event. Langdedrosa Cyanwrath, lightly armoured with the inky flayed hide of a defeated and desecrated dragonborn, stood alone with spear and shield against the full force of the Fellowship of Cunts. Gunx attacked with fists and feet of fury. Brick lashed out with Talon, famed sword of the Black Hawk. I assailed with Magic Missiles. Tegan mocked viciously, and gave great inspiration to Jorad, who Shattered with enhanced might. With a final swing of Lightbringer, Tolarin ultimately brought Cyanwrath down in a masterpiece of violent teamwork.

The other cunts began to tie up the unconscious Cyanwrath and debate humiliating punishments for the villain. Examining the room, we could see it had been cleaned up and made into a dragon cult shrine, with abstract carvings of dragons in the walls and a dominant image of a five-headed dragon emerging from a volcano. On the floor, there was a fine wooden chest, inlaid with silver and mother-of-pearl. Tolarin suspected that the chest was trapped. I picked the lock and confirmed that he was correct: a hidden mechanism was triggered, and acidic mist suddenly came pouring into the chamber from subtle holes in the walls, disguised within the carvings. When the mist cleared, Jorad needed healing, but Cyanwrath was irrevocably dead. Inside the chest, we recovered a string of pearls, a gold and sapphire ring, and a pouch of polished stones.

Continuing on, we found a rope ladder. Gunx ascended, and peeked his head out from under a carpet into a room occupied by a suddenly confused female half-elven Cult officer. Tegan and I both Misty Stepped up into the chamber as the officer banged her halberd in alarm and cast a spell, surrounding herself with a squad of soldiers and a nimbus of malevolent spirits. Jorad climbed into the room and, casting Shatter, took out half the defenders. Gunx charged forward and knocked down another line of fighters. Tegan cast a Thunderwave and finished off another guard, and the spellcasting officer. By the time Tolarin had climbed the rope to join us, Jorad and I were already felling the final foe, so he took on the peaceful task of searching the room and bodies. We recovered one hundred and twenty gold pieces worth of assorted gems, and from eight of the cultists, fine scimitar scabbards decorated with dragon motifs, worth five gold pieces each. On a table, we found assorted notes identifying the dead officer as ‘Wearer of Purple’ Frulam Mondath, and maps detailing the Dragon Cult’s recent movements, and hinting at their future plans.

We found a hopelessly drunken cultist sleeping in what appeared to have formerly been the raiders’ loot vault, judging by the handful of scattered coins and gems we found in the dirt there: sixteen gold pieces worth in all. We went back down the hole in Mondath’s chambers, through the shrine room, and into a large, warm, humid cavern, occupied by a number of cultists and a pair of their trained drakes. Tolarin and Tegan quickly killed the charging drakes. Then, we surrounded the remaining cultists and finished them off.

Just as we thought the battle had ended, flaming projectiles came raining down at us, thrown by a small group of kobolds concealed on a high ledge. Gunx cunningly caught one of their incendiary devices, and hurled it back at them. Jorad and Tegan’s spellcraft put a quick end to the kobolds, but suddenly another attacker revealed itself. A roper, suspended from the ceiling, lashed out with its tendrils, ensnaring Brick and Gunx. I used my sorcery to embiggen them both, and in their enlarged form, they were able to best the beast.

We found three black dragon eggs in the chamber. Understanding the obvious danger they present, I suggested we kill them immediately, but my comrades objected. I laid hands upon one of the eggs, and whispered a prayer to Beshaba for guidance as I channeled electricity from my palm. The egg was impervious to the shock, so I took this as a sign that Beshaba’s will was to allow them to stay alive, for now.

Before leaving the cavern, Gunx, Tolarin, and Tegan decided to feed and adopt the three caged drake pups we had found earlier. They are surprisingly docile, and have taken to their new masters. We packed up the dragon eggs, the pet drakes, and our filthy cunt selves into our wagon and, pulled by the tireless power of Pestilence, made it back to Phandalin before sunset, by the grace of Beshaba, klaatu barada nikto amen.

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