As we continued toward what Snapjaw called “Castle Nærytar,” he assured us that he would do all the talking when we came to the guards. Sure enough, we soon caught sight of a six-lizardman unit who greeted Snapjaw by name. He vouched for our prowess, and urged his lizard-fellows that now was the time to overthrow the bullywugs. Brick made menacing gestures to impress the lizardfolk with his martial puissance, but this only confused them. Fortunately, Gunx was able to smooth things over with soothing draconic words, and they agreed to lend us boats, and rouse the rest of the tribe to revolution posthaste.
After a brief paddle, we arrived at a sandy landing at the foot of a dilapidated old keep surrounded by rustic outbuildings. Together, we walked past an animal stockade and lizardfolk longhouses to the south, avoiding the bullywugs splashing around the squalid domed huts to the north, and made our way to the barbican entrance. There, we were confronted by bullywug guards and their dire battletoads, but Snapjaw flashed some token and we were allowed to pass.
We casually carried on into the keep, through a gauntlet of bullywug and lizardfolk minions, into a room of tethered guard drakes. Brick mistook the beasts as friendly, and they pounced upon him when he got within their reach. We were forced to put them down, and I am sorry to say that they suffered horribly at our hands. Thanks to Beshaba, their howls of pain fell silent before they aroused interest from the keep’s other nefarious residents.
Tolarin, Brick, and I continued into the main keep, through a hall with a set of ascending stairs, into a private chamber, where we found the familiar form of the Thayan wizard, Azbara Jos, now clad openly in scarlet robes, his bald and tattooed pate uncovered. Jos took one confounded look at us, and instantly vanished, though I know not if it were through some sort of Teleportation, or a mere trick of Invisibility. I tried to coax him to reappear, but the coward did not respond to my entreaties.
I wondered where the other cunts had gotten to. Tegan had joined us, and was thumbing through an old book in Azbara’s room, and Brick was fiddling with some disgusting green thing he found in a box, but Tolarin had seemingly wandered off. Just then, Gunx arrived to tell us that Jorad and Tolarin went into a room to the west. In the future, we really must try to keep our wandering warlock in sight at all times.
I found Tolarin and Jorad in a mess hall, mingling with a dozen low-level cultists who were watched by a table of four cultist supervisors. All eyes went to me as I entered, but I stared down every little man in the room until they all were cowed into silence. Then Gunx entered, and the sound of their curious chatter and sheepish murmuring began to fill the room again.
When these dozen underlings finished their meals and left, we tried to bluff our way past the remaining four supervisors, but they were not having it. Impulsively, Tolarin tried to brazenly dash across their table into the kitchen, but he only succeeded in igniting a melee. One cultist charged through a barrage of my Magic Missiles and Brick’s javelins to nearly cut me in half with his sword. I was spared only by the magical fortitude of the Breastplate of Tergon and the invincible will of Beshaba. Tegan and Snapjaw barricaded the door against returning reinforcements, while the others battled the fearsome cultist bosses.
I knew if I took another hit, I would be finished, so I Misty Stepped into the relative safety of the kitchen, into the midst of a pair of common scullery drudges, a dwarven cook, and three bullywug fighters. Instantly, I turned Invisible, and waited to take them by surprise. Out in the mess hall, I could hear Tegan cheering Gunx as he killed one foe, and knocked another on his ass. Bullywugs and lizardfolk forces had broken in and joined the fight, but the lizardfolk fought for our side as true allies, thanks be to Beshaba.
I reappeared, and roasted the three bullywugs with a blast of Burning Hands. Let it be noted: I have never smelled anything so delicious in my life. In the other room, Brick chopped one cultist in half with the Talon of Tresendar, and Tegan magically Charmed another, while our lizardfolk allies finished off the last. We let the dwarven cook, Tharm Tharmzid, and his two kitchen helpers go free, and questioned the remaining charmed cultist.
The cultist, a man called Gramb-Liv, named a Captain Borngrey and the Thayan wizard as the men in command of the castle, and the numerous bullywug and powerful lizardfolk forces. He added that Borngrey is aloof, and never among them at the castle. Asked about the loot, he said all treasure is taken downstairs. Knowing that Tegan’s Charm spell would end within an hour, we sent Gramb-Liv away to quell the chaos outside, and our fellowship took a short rest during the ensuing calm. I am pleased to report, the roasted bullywug tasted as good as it smelled.
We headed down a set of stairs, smooth at first but getting rougher as we descended, twisting and turning down to the dungeon level, emerging into a large, moist cavern. To the east, bullywug footprints could be seen in the mud. Straight ahead, a large puddle of acidic water covered the floor. To the west, lizardfolk, bullywug, and booted footprints led onward. The inscrutable monks chose the path less traveled, and scurried through a small hole in the wall they had located, past the puddle.
Save for Jorad, we all followed their lead into an adjacent cavern, and soon discovered it to be the breeding ground for a dangerous species of grey ooze. Tolarin’s blows of mace and fist were potent against the creatures, but my fire bolts efficacy seemed dampened. Brick’s Talon sliced through an ooze like a hot knife through rothé butter. I blasted another with Beshaba’s Sacred Flame, trusting her holy radiance to be more powerful than mere fire. Tegan dispatched another with his trusty rapier, but the acid seemed to degrade his blade. Finally, Jorad joined the fight just in time for our victory. As his Eldritch Blasts lit the scene, I noticed the glint of gemstones in the muddy water: a pair of fine carnelians worth fifty gold pieces each, five lovely peridots worth one hundred gold a piece, a stunning spinel worth two hundred gold, a remarkable topaz worth four hundred, and an amazing yellow sapphire worth six hundred.
Then, we doubled back through the hole, and followed the varied tracks that led to the west, until we arrived at the bottom of a tall rock ledge, topped by a wooden crane that dangled a rope. With nimbleness and know-how, we all made our way up, into a misty chamber with three branching paths: west, southwest, and south. The mysterious mists were seeping in from the southern passage, so I was drawn by my curiosity in this direction.
In the next chamber, a large, ominous cavern, I discovered a deep, mist shrouded lake, with what appeared to be an island just ten feet from where I stood. Coaxed by fate, I jumped into the water, hoping to make another lucrative discovery of gems, or some such booty. My anticipation turned to agony as I was beset by an army of hungry, giant frogs, biting from every direction, pulling me under the water.
I Misty Stepped onto the island, and blasted Magic Missiles at a huge frog with a Tolarin-shaped bulge in his throat, killing the beast, and scattering its fellows. As bats swirled overhead, Tegan spared me a Healing Word, as I had been gravely wounded. But suddenly, the frogs leapt once more to the surprise attack, and at that moment, everything went black. Moments later, revived again by Tegan’s Healing Word, I weakly witnessed my fellows fell the final frogs. Victorious, but with no spoils to show for it, save a hard lesson on luck from Beshaba, we took a short rest, and healed our wounds as best we could.
Then, we carried on to the south, around the ominous lake, until we came to a set of slippery steps to the east. Tempting fate, we headed down these stairs to discover less than a handful of pathetic bullywugs, impotently armed with spears. I give them too much honour to even mention them in these pages. Needless to say, they are no more.
We backtracked our way to the misty cavern once more, and took the western passage into another chamber with mist laying three feet thick, obscuring the ground. Little Tolarin discerned the drag-marks and tracks which seemed to confirm that the treasure had been brought here. Through the shifting mist, we could also see carved marks in the floor, twinkling with a faint arcane dweomer. Learned Jorad informed us that this was surely the markings of a teleportation circle. The treasure, it appeared, passed through here to an unknown destination, and we needed to find the trigger word to activate the circle for ourselves.
We left this teleportation chamber, and went down the passage to the southwest, and a set of stairs, coming to a putrid place of worship for the bullywug faithful. Suddenly, we were assailed by a magical onslaught of freezing weather, and confronted by a small army of bullywugs ready to attack. Tegan Shattered three dead as he Misty Stepped into the midst of several more. I slipped on the icy steps as I killed one with Magic Missiles, and Jorad fell too while he obliterated two more with a Shatter spell of his own.
Their spellcasting leader, Pharblex Splattergoo, turned the stone at the bottom of the stairs to mud, as a giant crocodile rushed down the steps at me, biting me nearly to death. I Misty Stepped away from the croc, and cast Darkness to try to foil Splattergoo’s spells. Gunx and Tolarin waded bravely into the lightless void, spitting lightning and ninja-fighting, respectively, while Brick threw a javelin at the croc. Spattergoo’s hibernal hazard vanished, but he soon replaced it with a magical terrain of treacherous briars that surrounded me. I killed a bullywug with fire from where I sat, while the croc and Jorad exchanged attacks. Tegan attacked the croc too with another Shatter spell, and gave us all succor with his soothing voice.
The chaotic melee raged on around me as I felt my breastplate begin to warm most uncomfortably: more of Splattergoo’s malicious magic. I successfully Commanded him in the name of Beshaba to surrender, and Tolarin moved to finish him off, while the rest of the cunts turned their attention to the croc. Brick finally decapitated the beast, but Splattergoo sneakily squirmed his way into the rocks and escaped.
Captain Brick led us into the next room, evidently Splattergoo’s private chamber, furnished with the usual bullywug filth, plus a desk and a trunk. When Brick opened the trunk, he set off a trap: clay pots came crashing from the ceiling to the floor, filling the air with psychotropic spores. A temporary madness ensued, but thankfully some of us were unaffected, and for the rest, the effects wore off eventually. When I came to my senses, I was back in the underground lake cavern, tied up and thoroughly soaked, but safely among my cunty companions. Utterly exhausted, we returned to Splattergoo’s chamber for a long rest.
Blessed Beshaba, I am glad this day is finally over. We have survived your merciless trials, and are all the stronger for it, klaatu barada nikto amen.