A new spell came to me in a dream last night! I’ve never felt so alive!
Feeling enriched by our ever-accumulating adventuring experience, our fellowship reported to the Council of Waterdeep in the morning, understandably expecting long-overdue honours. My cunty comrades and I secured allegiances with the Sword Coast’s metallic dragons; plus the Red Wizards of Thay, on a secret mission at the Harpers request; plus, we conquered Xonthal’s Tower, all in under half-a-tenday! I only fear that the laurel wreaths may be cumbersome… Alas, it was with some perfunctory thanks that the Council whisked the blue dragon mask away to be studied by their top arcane scholars. With that, we were dismissed for a highsun recess.
Rian Nightshade, Lord Neverember’s assistant, came to speak with us once again, on behalf of her true masters: the Zhentarim. The Black Network was offering 50,000 golden glories for Xonthal’s Tower. I explained that Jorad and I would need to be named “Vipers” of the Zhentarim to even consider the deal, and that we would return once we had fielded counter-offers.
We went to Remalia Haventree of the Harpers: the one faction to which our entire fellowship was loyal, and the Zhentarim’s most obvious rivals. Haventree offered to promote us all to “Brightcandles,” outbid the Black Network by 10,000, and toss in a couple of potions as a gratuity. Certainly, this richer offer was tempting.
Next, we sought out Dagult Neverember: a previous patron of ours, and Neverwinter’s representative on the Lords’ Alliance. Neverember’s loyalties were clearly split. He was not willing to counter the Zhent offer, so we went instead to speak with Laeral Silverhand, the Lords’ Alliance’s Waterdeep representative. She offered to promote Brick to the rank of “Stingblade,” but in her arrogance, she offered an insulting pittance for the tower, and had the audacity to insist we also negotiate with the Zhentarim on her behalf! We sarcastically thanked Lady Pennyfingers for her time, and went back to speak with Rian Nightshade. Nightshade happily upped the Zhentarim offer to 70,000, and tossed in potions and a scroll, so the sale was agreed, with goodwill and mutual respect among all parties.
The Council of Waterdeep reconvened after the noon recess. One by one, the leaders of the Council came forward to declare their intentions for the coming battle at the Well of Dragons. Hornblade of Silverymoon, Ravenguard of Baldur’s Gate, Brawnanvil of Mithril Hall, Melandrach of the wild elves, and Winterhound of the Emerald Enclave all expressed their eagerness to fight the cult. It was announced that the Kingdom of Cormyr would lend no assistance, instead holding their forces back in readiness to defend their own nation. Sir Isteval, the Daggerford ambassador whose presence on the Council remains a mystery to me, also refused to commit his little roadstop town’s utterly insignificant forces, oh no, boo hoo, what ever will we do?… Beshaba willing, Daggerford will continue to safely cower unnoticed under the cloak of Waterdeep’s shadow.
Speaking of Waterdeep and cloaks, Lady Laeral Pennyfingers, sore at losing the bidding war for Xonthal’s Tower, underscored Brick’s lowly “Cloak” of the Lords’ Alliance rank as she declared her faction’s eagerness to send forces to the Well of Dragons. The Harpers also lost out on the Tower deal, and Remalia Haventree was all smiles as she declared her faction’s forces to the cause, while making a point to refer to our fellowship members as ‘Watchers of the Harpers. “
Fine, fine, we’re not “Brightcandles”, I get it… but we’re all just “Watchers”, still? After all we’ve accomplished for the Harpers these last five months, this is worth not even a promotion to “Harpshadows”? Was going undercover with the Secomber Teamsters’ Union nothing? I suppose discovering Red Wizard connections to the Dragon Cult is something every novice Harper does. Surely, every mere Watcher tracks such dangerous Thayan agents through monster infested swamps and secret Cultist hideouts, to finally vanquish them aboard a flying ice castle.
As I wrote in my diary at the time, “… from the corpse of Azbara Jos, we recovered a scroll and his wizarding spellbook. We should get these materials to our Harper and Order of the Gauntlet allies, Leosin and Ontharr, back in Secomber.”
Lady doom, forgive me, I have been a fool. Now I understand, we should have sold those items to the Zhentarim. Our disfiguring arctic travails merited no Harper honours, nor did our disruption of the Cassalantar plot, despite the delivery of a detailed dossier directly to Leosin Erlanthar himself.
Needless to say, I dropped my tarnished tin Harper pin into King Brawnanvil’s filthy, full spittoon on the council chamber floor. Now, like a viper facing a well-plucked hen, I am well ready to face the Well of Dragons with my fellowship of cunts, unburdened by any false allegiance. Thank you, blessed Beshaba, for tearing the scales from my eyes, allowing me to see the Harpers for the mendacious, myopic, meddling manipulators they truly are, klaatu barada nicto amen.
p.s. A messenger knocked on the door to inform me that the blue mask we retrieved was, as we had suspected, a clever forgery. The Maid of Misfortune rules all, klaatu barada nicto amen!